Thursday

{why I stopped reading your blog}

If you are my friend or a blog reader, I read your blog.  I may not comment all that often but
I do read.  I enjoy my friend's words, photos and the encouragement and/or thought provoking material
that they offer.  I also read a few blogs of people I adore for various reasons, though they don't read mine or know me. 

But,
there are a few blogs,
popular blogs,
that I have stopped reading.

I am not naming names but I am going to tell you why I no longer read your {their} blogs.

You make me feel like crap.

Seriously.  I'm a mama of 7 that homeschools.  My husband works a full time manual labor job and God always provides for us but so often we are just scraping by.  We rent our house in a neighborhood with a hoarder across the street who walks around outside in his underwear all day long.  I dream of living in the woods or having a farm, being able to allow my children the freedom to roam around our property, but that's just not going to happen in any foreseeable future. But you have that.  Your photos sing of the beauty I wish I could give to my children. 

You always have the answer, are always able to bring peace and I am desperate to do so and yet I fail way too often.  I read books and blogs for encouragement but I am no longer able to find that on yours.  The only message I hear on your blog is you are not enough.

I can't travel, can't offer much to others, it takes all of my energy and resources just to pour out peace, grace, love and gentleness to my own children and husband.  And I believe, for this time in my life, that is enough. But when I read your blog I walk away feeling like it isn't.  And I don't want to feel like that anymore.



 
So I no longer read your words or look at your photos.  I know that you encourage many people and I am very glad that they find a kindred soul, a source of peace, in you.  But I don't.  I have my own life to live, my family to care for and my God to draw near to.  I wish the best for you.

Peace,
amy

edited to add: My issues, being made to feel like crap, are not your fault.  I am under no illusion.  It's me, comparing myself, feeling like I don't add up.  That's my issue, not yours.  I don't read your blog anymore but that's not your fault.  It's the fault of my insecurities. 

14 comments:

  1. Amy,

    I often ponder this subject. Why do we blog? Is it for ourselves or to share with others? And is it actually helpful to share? Each family is so unique. Each is important. But when we make others feel inadequate or we look like we are pushing ourselves forward as experts, then I don't see the value in blogging. I know I would feel terrible if someone left my blog feeling discouraged. Maybe people do. Perhaps you're not reading my blog anymore. Maybe I need to think about this more. Wouldn't it be nice if we could take pleasure in each other's achievements and families, and support and encourage each other in the more difficult times without making each other feel bad?

    "I have my own life to live..." Yes! And I enjoy sharing your stories of that life. As always your photos are beautiful and your words are thought provoking.

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    1. I love your blog sue! One of my favorites. I am definitely not talking about anyone I know or communicate with! Xx

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    2. Thank you, Amy. I don't want to appear like I am saying, "Hey look at me! We've got everything worked out perfectly." It doesn't hurt to stop and think about these things from time to time. So thank you for this post!

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  2. I'm loving your honest, posts at the moment Amy. I truly hope that I don't make others feel bad. I often post what I need to be reminded of myself... The beauty and the hope within it all. For the past 9 years we've lived in a tiny, rented government owned (prefab) house. I don't take pictures of my house or my neighbourhood on my blog, I don't know if that is a mistake maybe. It's not that I'm ashamed, I just need beauty so badly and I need to capture it and put a pause around it in the precious moments I get to record our life. There is damp and mould everywhere, no space and for 5 years my children's bedroom looked out onto a house where their was constant (often physical) domestic abuse.
    Before we lived here we were homeless. So I try to pin point and focus on the sacred in the middle of it all. It has been my small candle of hope. And do you know, in a way I feel honoured to have experienced this. I know God has been close enough to touch the whole time. Remember God is close to the poor. There's is the kingdom of heaven. I never want to be seperated from the poor or have an easy life here on earth while there are still the poor who haven't. Those who are given much must also give much. I know our children will be more compassionate because they haven't always had it easy. I love you dearly friend. Your beautiful family is in my thoughts and prayers and although our place might be small you always have somewhere to come and stay across the pond :)

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    1. I love you dearly suzy, you are one of the most inspiring bloggers I know! I hope to not sound too harsh here, just wanted to put it out there. I need real life, I can't be encouraged when I feel less than. You are so beautiful and real and make me want to grow.

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  3. Sorry for all the typo's - no excuses, I'm just plain terrible at spellings :)

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  4. A friend and I were just talking about this, Amy, how we started to really lose our way on the internet and started to feel so less-than and inept. It ceased to feel like a friendship circle and started to feel like a judgement circle. You'd probably be surprised at the blogs I don't read. Just can't do it. I need this space to be sweet and helpful, not another area of pressure.

    btw, I laughed out loud at the hoarder in the underwear. I used to have that right out my kitchen window too! HA! We used to yell, "Put on some clothes, Mike!" (from inside the house, of course.) I know it's probably super annoying, but it made me laugh at the memory.

    love you. (and suzy, too!)

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    1. " I need this space to be sweet and helpful, not another area of pressure." exactly! I need to be inspired and encouraged, I need less pressure in life, not more! so glad you understand and I don't just sound like a raving angry person ;) love you!!!

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  5. I understand what you are saying, but 2 things I would like to say. 1. I have a good blogger friend with a popular blog (a published Author), who lives not far from me here in Scotland. Once I mentioned how beautiful everything is in her world, and even her failures are graceful and full of life lessons (blog wise). She laughed and laughed and said 'oh no, I push all the bad stuff away from the spotlight because thats my nature, but its all there, just out of shot, just out of the focus of the blog and the camera.She said that although she wanted her blog to be a true reflection of her life, and it is, she was also aware of the responsibility she had to the children who were unknowingly trusting her with their personal lives and the public ownership of it. I am not saying you should read these blogs if they get you down, but its worth remembering that no one has it all, no matter what they say.
    The 2nd thing is, when I found your blog I thought, oh look how lucky you are, you have so many children (I pray for another child/children but it looks like my age has beaten me on that one) and you home school, and I would love to do that, but with only one child of school age (my children are 24 years, 22 years, and 4 years), it would be a lonely and difficult job). And also I was so impressed by the confidence you have concerning your faith. I have only been studying The Gospel for 7 months and feel I have a long way to go. I think your blog is sweet and helpful, even though we probably have only a few things in common. I think what I am saying is, please don't think you fall short because you don't live on a farm in some sort of old world novel kind of life. Thats not what I thought when I found you.
    Valerie
    xxx

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  6. This is such a meaningful conversation. I have been thinking about these things a lot. I only want my space to encourage others to seek God(the light) in their lives. I have been on every spectrum of socioeconomic strata: from having money growing up to being a young adult working three or four jobs at a time with young children at home because I had no choice. I have prayed for grace to cover those years, but I do harbor a lot of guilt from it. Before we bought our house, we lived in a tiny rented house on a highway that was covered with litter. But as Suzy said, there is a kingdom of heaven that is close and more real than what we see around us. I have been trying to reach out to others in ways that matter, so that in some small way, we share the light of God. I have a love/hate relationship with blogging because there is so much that I don't share because I want to protect my family's privacy. Thanks for helping us to be aware of the need to be real. xoxo

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  7. I am sorry to hear this ... anyone can be helpful to us if we have a good and receptive heart and who ever you are referring to, is only sharing from their hearts to others. I am sure their intent is not to make people feel bad or inferior or not 'good enough'.
    You have the right to do whatever you want and that is awesome. Just keep an open mind and a listening spirit. God can and is using many people who have many gifts to share his word and his love to those who would not normally hear it. The blog world is very similar to a mission field. Only we 'they' ... are not traveling in a foreign land. I hope you know I accept your decision and if it is MY blog. Well you do what needs to be done for you. You are being real and that is all that matters.

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    1. of course it's not your blog, I think you are marvelous!!! it's just a general statement of a few blogs that have become all about self-promotion and following their example to live right. those blogs are few and far between but they are out there and they are popular. they may help others, but they don't help me :)

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    2. thank you that is very kind. Bless you and your little family.

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  8. New to your blog! So much truth here! I need that reminder to not compare myself to strangers on the internet!! Thanks!

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